Reconnect With Your Emotions

by Jermaine

So I’m in the process of increasing my Emotional Intelligence. Some go as far as calling it Emotional IQ. This is a five step process that took my mind from, “duh, everybody knows that” to “I can’t believe they expect someone to do that.”

When I started the training I was all in. The mere thought of being better equipped to manage my life by better understanding emotions had me committed to be “open to change.”

Where I got stuck

Some where in the midst of step 2 I was challenged to reconnect with my emotions. I cringed. Why? I’ve spent nearly thirty years purposely trying to learn how to disconnect from my feelings. Think about it… getting an average guy to reconnect with his emotions is tougher than getting him to stick his hand down into a broken kitchen garbage disposal unit!

After my shock and rejection I began to backpedal. I convinced myself, I’m emotional sometimes: I tell my wife I love her everyday. I laugh at movies. I shovel care and affection onto my daughter daily. I had almost persuaded myself that I was o.k. and this step wasn’t needed for my growth when the next lines crossed my eyes:

“Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.”

I Vividly Remember

My mind flashed back to a time when I got butterflies before I spoke to beautiful people. I even remember having chest pains because of fear of telling my dad about my bad report card grades. Back in the day I’ve had people tell me that my facial expressions showed 100% of my thoughts before I even opened my mouth.


Not so much. Being immersed in Adulthood & Corporate America I’ve learned to veil most of my knee-jerk reactions. Well, maybe it started as veiling. Now my emotions have moved into a stage of mild hibernation. Unless I’m dealing with people who are extremely close to me many of my emotions are turned off. While you may be reading this and applauding I tend to think we fail to realize how unhealthy and unproductive this habit is.

Turning off emotions doesn’t just turn off fear, anger, hurt or pain. Turning off emotions also turns off the opportunity for sincere joy, happiness, hope, and excitement. Our expression of the whole spectrum is connected. If we purposely avoid expressing pain or hurt it is even harder for us to tap in to the true power of joy and happiness when the time comes.

My Challenge

My challenge this morning is for everyone is to do some soul searching. Have you turned yourself into a cardboard cut-out of a person? Are you emotionless? If so, maybe it is time for you to reconnect with your emotions. It is ok to feel. It is even better to acknowledge what you’re feeling and learn how to share this in a controlled, positive, and professional way (no matter the emotion). This, in turn, will make your overall quality of life better (while simultaneously decreasing your likeliness of ulcers, stroke, high blood pressure, and heart attack).