Why are “You” Single? (Continued)

by Jermaine

…You might not believe me but my life is fuller now. I’m not bitter, I’m better. Marriage works for me. Now when I write I have a lot more to say and it is a more well-rounded thought.

Now when I travel it is a memory carved into stone because I’m sharing it with someone I love. Now when I go to work I’m a lot more cautious because I can’t afford to get fired. Now everything is a dual affair… every move is a calculated step. Thus, I’m not nimble anymore however, I’m very grounded.

I haven’t lost my ability to fly but now it is much more like a 757 taken off instead of a solo fighter jet. Though it takes a lot more power to get one up, they fly a lot farther and a lot smoother. They don’t do a lot of fancy tricks but they sure ride comfortably through turbulence.


Walking through life with someone else is more than holding hands

The Bible says in Hebrews 13:4 Marriage [is] honourable in all…The thought of having a child with my beautifully-swollen wife makes me feel alive in a way that I can’t say I’ve ever felt before. That’s “fuller” living.

Seeing an ultrasound of a tiny hand balled up and a little leg smaller than your finger can do some weird things to a grown man. Knowing that you’ve been given the gift of aiding this soul along the path of life is even more moving. I’m having a daughter and I see her in my dreams (and she’s not even born yet).

God has entrusted me with two beautiful women in my life. Now I have to do everything within my power to make sure they are cared for and happy. Ironically, I’m writing this at work on a holiday in which most of my colleagues are off. I picked the day up (President’s Day) for overtime pay to add to our baby fund.

So, why are you closing the doors? Why are you staying single? If your reason is the same as my reason was back in the day, HEALTHY AMBITION, then you are just fine. Enjoying “life,” God, and being the beautiful you that God has created you to be is a fulltime gig.

Exploring where and what God wants to do with you and through you could take a lifetime to experience all the details. Whether that is in the corporate realm or the religious realm, there may be a high calling that needs your undivided attention.

That’s a GOOD REASON to stay single. That is what Paul was alluding to in the aforementioned text. He wanted to convinced people of how short this life is and how much good they could do for the kingdom if they didn’t allow themselves to get caught inside of the daily grind of worldly pursuits.

On the flip side, if you are not willing to invest in a long term relationship because you are scared, bitter, resisting the norm, or just plain scarred then you have some soul searching to do. I spent a long time fighting my past hurts and fleshing out my true reasons for resisting a good thing when it came a long.

Most of it stemmed from the first serious relationship I had. It ended in total disarray. I’m a huge fan of strawberry cheesecake ice cream and know that standard cookies and cream won’t do. Being selective is a lot better than being resentful “til death do you part.” In short, TAKE YOUR TIME. Don’t let any dreams, misplaced words, unacceptable stereotypes, or pigeon-holds corner you.


Don’t let being single turn into a curse by submitting to the opinions of others or living in hurt or despair from pass lost. It is truly a gift. Whenever it becomes less than that it is time to reevaluate why you are single. That’s what I did and I ended up married. You can do the same thing and end up single.

Bottom line: make a spiritually-educated decision that sits well with your soul.